Ahken, the goof ball, feels like it’s his sworn duty to never let me go to the bathroom by myself. And while I’m there and just sitting around, he figures it is my sworn duty to pet him and he always has a very strong opinion of where he wants to be petted.
Everybody has heard small dog owner’s say that they ‘have a huge dog trapped in a small dog’s body.’ Ahken is just the opposite. He is a tiny dog trapped in a huge dog’s body. So, while I’m sitting in the bathroom, he figures that it’s his right to climb on my lap. Well as much as possible for a 100+ pound dog to fit in a person’s lap. What it means in practical terms is that he puts his feet on my shoulders so I can pet his belly.
Lately I’ve found a fun variation on this. If I stretch way out, I can reach around and really scratch the light patches on his sides. So he is standing there and now he has to thump one of his hind legs in bliss and but he can’t quite pull off standing on one foot. So he twists around trying to put all of his weight on my shoulders so he can thump a hind foot. Meanwhile, he has what I swear, is a smile of satisfaction on his face (which is inches from my eyes). Makes me giggle every time, but don’t expect a photo.
Found this on the internet:
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I
cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly. Dogs and
cats are better than kids …they eat less, don’t ask for money all the
time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car,
don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry
about having to buy the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, and don’t
need a gazillion dollars for college – and if they get pregnant, you can
sell the children.